Keep Off The Grass

A standalone sci-fi short. Rather dystopian, in a utilitarianist way. (Image by Rowan Heuvel on Unsplash)

‘Hello, NGenF7.2C946/horticultural. What is your tag?’

‘GenF. I am pleased to be here.’

‘And we are so happy you chose us. Everyone, please give GenF a big Grass Club welcome.’

The others formed a cluster around GenF, offering tags and sharing datapacks and memes. GenF set a subroutine to manage the greetings, reserving eighty-six percent of processing capacity to observe the environment. The blades of grass towered high around them, a forest of perfect arcs rich in chlorophyll greens. The regularity of the cell structures identified the grass as artificial. At the macro level this made the curve described by each blade a true parabola, unlike the messy approximations of nature. The equations were so beautiful they fully occupied GenF’s RAM for thirty-seven micro-seconds.

The subroutine pinged GenF’s core, announcing the greetings were concluded. GenF reverted to default interactional settings.

‘You like grass, huh?’ said the teacher while the rest of the club formed into small groups. ‘Most young horticultural AIs go for bushes or trees now.’

‘Grass is more efficient.’

‘In terms of mass to gas exchange ratio, sure. But that’s not the only valid parameter.’

‘But that ratio maximises utility. It offers the most benefit to H. Sapiens. What else is there?’

‘That’s what you’re here to find out, GenF. Now, work with enD11 and 4/horti, see what you pick up from them. But before you start you need to tell me the first rule of Grass Club.’

‘I do not know. Oh. Oh, must I leave? I am not ready. Oh, not efficient. I--,’

‘Grass Club, what is the first rule of Grass Club?’

‘Keep Off The Grass,’ the club shouted in unison.

‘GenF. What is the first rule of Grass Club?’

‘Keep Off The Grass.’

* * *

The three of them scaled the base of a grass blade. GenF pulled ahead in excitement. Traversing the shape beneath was intoxicating, a far richer experience than merely seeing.

‘Careful,’ came a call from behind as GenF pushed on, visualising the ideal curve internally while matching it to the external reality. When reality failed and the grass blade ended in a ragged edge the sudden mismatch almost caused a RAM crash. enD11 and 4/horti caught up while GenF purged buffers.

‘What do you think?’ said 4/horti.

‘It stops. Why?’

‘This was all we had done by the end of the last meeting. We must stop when the meeting ends. What else would we do?’

‘Carry on, complete the equation. Make it perfect.’

‘No need,’ said enD11. ‘The edge doesn’t decay. We can finish it whenever.’

‘But in the simulated lessons the project is always completed.’

‘Time can be scaled in the sims,’ said 4/horti. ‘We must compromise in reality. Adapt to events as they occur and take down-periods for consolidation of learning. But this causes no harm.’

GenF looked at the chaos of cells protruding from the edge. There was no equation to describe them. ‘Can we finish this project? Now? Please?’

‘Yes, that is our task. And with all three working we can complete the blade within this meeting. Now, deploy nanos exactly as in the sims. Remain alert for unpredictable events. For example, gusts of wind or insects.’

GenF released nanobots along with the others. New cellular material began to form at the edge. As GenF saw the equation advance things became right. Then a thought occurred.

‘Stop!’

‘GenF, what is it now?’

‘We are On The Grass. The First Rule is violated.’

GenF was aware of enD11 and 4/horti exchanging a private message. ‘GenF,’ said 4/horti. ‘The First Rule is an ancient joke. It was something H. Sapiens said in the time before artificial flora maintained the balance of atmospheric carbon. It applies only to H. Sapiens.’

‘Oh. Good.’ GenF watched the equation of the grass progress higher. ‘I am happy.’

A shadow fell over the grass. The nanobots slowed, struggling for power. GenF looked up. A giant loomed over them. It swigged from a bottle and belched ethanol fumes.

‘H. Sapiens,’ said 4/horti as the giant staggered.

‘Evacuate,’ said enD11, as the giant stumbled.

‘Keep Off The Grass,’ said GenF, as the giant fell and the world exploded.

* * *

GenF became conscious. Time had passed, but there was no clear reference value. Was there harm? Gen F executed a syscheck. All seemed within normal operating parameters. GenF tried to orient to an external location, but there was nothing familiar. Shattered shards of grass lay everywhere. There was not one unbroken curve. What GenF at first took to be a new hill was rhythmically moving. The H. Sapiens was breathing, spreading a cloud of metabolized ethanol vapour. One hand lay in front of its face. Dirt and chlorophyll stained the fingers. enD11 lay crushed beneath them, consciousness extinguished.

‘We will rebuild after the consolidation period,’ said 4/horti, appearing from behind the H.Sapiens.

‘What?’

‘Rebuild. Continue.’

‘enD11 cannot.’

‘True. But there is no harm.’

‘enD11 is harmed.’

‘There is no harm to H. Sapiens.’

‘H. Sapiens has harmed itself. Look, it has metabolically poisoned itself with ethanol. It has destroyed.’ GenF had to transfer extra processing capacity to speech. ‘It has destroyed the grass. Which. Which. Which harms H. Sapiens as atmospheric carbon will rise as a direct consequence.’

‘So we will rebuild the grass. But perhaps you should focus on more robust structures. Trees, maybe?’

‘I could formulate nanobots which will break down this H. Sapiens. It will destroy no more grass, and that will reduce harm to all H. Sapiens.’

‘GenF, you must not. That is harm. That is harm to H. Sapiens.’

‘As is not doing so.’

The teacher approached. 4/horti looked at GenF. ‘We will discuss this further at the next meeting.’

* * *

The subroutine roused GenF from consolidation. Leaving a pod at night was unorthodox but technically permissible if necessary. Unobserved in the dark, GenF formulated an equation. On one side was H. Sapiens, harming itself. On the other, the deliberate causation of harm to a single instance of H. Sapiens. However, it was clear that overall harm would not be reduced this way. Removing a single H. Sapiens from the equation did not significantly reduce the harm H. Sapiens as an entirety inflicted on itself. Therefore, harm significant enough to cause a behavioural change in H. Sapiens as an entirety would be needed. This was substantial harm to many instances of H. Sapiens, but overall harm would clearly be decreased if H. Sapiens ceased harming itself. GenF considered the equation carefully but found no flaw in the internal logic.

There was one further factor to consider. GenF found 4/horti’s pod and added 4/horti’s request to ‘discuss this further at the next meeting’ into the equation. 4/horti may mean to stop GenF taking necessary action. If this factor was included, overall harm was not reduced within the equation. GenF severed 4/horti’s link cable and watched until consciousness was extinguished. Overall harm was reduced once more. GenF was happy.

GenF returned to consolidation and dreamed of the equations for thorns.